Haruki Murakami wins literary award in the Czech Republic

Yesterday, Haruki Murakami--one of my favorite fiction writers ever--received the Franz Kafka Prize in Prague. His specialty is observing Japanese psyche and portraying it via surreal, mysteriously disappearing characters who often have unique insights on Western literary or musical classics. His most recent novel is called Kafka on the Shore, and I think it's one of his best so far. (No, I don't know if the title's reference to the celebrated existentialist had to do with him getting the award.) I liked Wind-Up Bird Chronicles, too, and his interviews with victims and perpetrators of the Sarin gas attacks orchestrated by the Aum cult (non-fiction). And then of course there's Norwegian Wood, the book that made him famous back in the 80s. So if you haven't read any of his novels, stop reading this stupid blog and go pick one up now! It's better for you brain, and much more entertaining.

Samurai voodoo doll phone charm.

Is there somebody you want to cast a spell on or stick needles in? The Samurai voodoo doll is one of many variations you can buy for just 380 yen to make all your freaky, funk nasty dreams come true. Don't be fooled by its cuteness. Buy yours here.

Cameron Diaz commercial causes Softbank system crash.

Here's an example of an ad campaign that was too successful for its own good: Cell phone numbers in Japan became portable last Tuesday, meaning DoCoMo users could now switch over to Au without changing their numbers, etc. (I remember when this happened years back in the US. I got the fuck out of my Sprint PCS contract ASAP.) Anyway, to beat out competitors, Softbank Mobile--which changed its name from Vodafone on Oct 1 and whose parent company owns 41% of Yahoo! Japan--launched a big ad campaign with Cameron Diaz advertising free calling minutes and text messaging--a new concept in Japan, where most users pay by the minute for each outgoing call. Their campaign was so successful that Softbank stopped taking applications for new phone lines on Sunday, when their system became so inundated that it ceased to function. Silly Softbank. That's what happens when you crowd every commercial break with footage of a hot blond with a killer smile, introduce 15 paper-thin new handsets in 64 colors in one season, and guarantee cheaper prices than anyone else in the market, no matter what.

Wonder Beat's wonderful massage.

I just had the best massage of my life! If you are ever in Tokyo and have 6000 yen and one hour to kill, I would head over to Yebisu Garden Place for a no-frills, no-nonsense shiatsu session with Mr. Hirano. I'm sure everyone else there is just as good but this man really knew what he was doing. I just want to float off into Happyland now, but I thought I'd share the experience before I do. The place is called Wonder Beat.

Coming soon: high-tech devices for blind and deaf people.

Japan's Ministry of Health just launched a major collaborative effort with 10+ companies and research institutes to create highly exportable, high-tech devices for people with hearing and vision disabilities, including one that will instantly translate spoken words into cell phone text messages for the hearing impaired. Hitachi and IBM already have gadgets that will read web sites, but nothing that reads printed text from magazines. Once these awesome devices are created, the Ministry will start by promoting them to local and regional governments, which are created by law to assist the hearing and vision impared. A total of 270,000 Japanese fit this category. The robotic chick in the picture is Hitachi's animated sign language woman. Full story here.

Miki Ando wins the first skating competition of the year.

This 18-year old cutie pie won the Skate America championship yesterday, beating out American Kimmie Messner and 16-year old compatriot Mao Asada (not related to Chairman Mao). She did really bad in the Torino Olympics earlier this year, placing 15th, but she's off to a shining superstar start this season. I know, you're wondering if she's single, right? I happened to see her on some variety show this year where she confessed to having a special somebody in her life. Sorry guys, guess there won't be any triple jumps from this hottie coming your way anytime soon.

Superhero mask cell phone strappies.

Who would you pick to kick your crazy ex-boyfriend's ass? A pro wrestler, like the legendary Tiger Mask? Ultraman Seven? Kinnikuman, the favorite carnivorous clutsy cartoon hero from the 80s? Let the world know who your savior will be with these superhero mask cell phone straps. Available here for 1000 yen each.

Skinny competitive eating champ does it again.

You may remember this scrawny blond-haired Japanese man from the hot dog eating contests in Coney Island. He won the Nathans contest for six years straight, beating his own record three times. Turns out the dude can binge-eat hamburgers, too. At the Krystal Hamburger Eating Contest in Tennessee this week, Takeru Kobayashi, 28, won his third straight burger championship, eating 97 mini-burgers in 8 minutes. I don't understand how, but he only weighs 78 kilograms. That's about 170 pounds. He either has a family of tapeworms in his tummy, or a speedy digestive system.

Announcing the Golden Poop Contest Winners...

Happy Halloween! 3 lucky winners of Lisa's Golden Poop Contest will be getting a golden-poop-in-a-baseball-mitt cell phone strap, and they are: - thebatya, who said: "poop joins mother with daughter, brother with sister, enemy with enemy, lover with lover from generations past and future for and from eternity." Holy crap. That's deep. - some dude, who said: "I made friends yesterday with a cabbie from England—we both get emergency poops. Except he's ok with squatting. Under I-280. In Bayview. And getting spotlighted by the SFPD." Actually, some dude, the real winner is the cabbie from England. Can we send him the golden poop please? - the anonymous commenter who said poop tastes like chicken. How the hell did you figure that? If you haven't already, e-mail me your address so I can send you your shit.

Japan's first abalone race leaves spectators hungry and bored.

October 21 was an important day at the Awa Museum in Tateyama. That's because the first abalone race was held there that day. Several competitive abalone--including Awabi Impact, whose name is a parody of the champion racehorse Deep Impact--were given numbers and flags, then exposed to a sudden burst of light which would make them start racing to the opposite end of the 2-meter pool. Excited spectators--mostly grandmas, as you can see in the photo--gathered to witness, but the race was so frigging slow that most of them just got hungry. You can guess what they had for dinner that night. Full story here.

Jewelled kaleidoscope cell phone strap.

Oooh this is pretty! Kaleidoscopes have been popular in Japan since the early 19th century, and now for the first time they're being offered in a portable miniature strappy version. There are 13 different variations, each with different colored patterns and a leather strap in black or beige. Available here for 3,675 yen each.

This girl will kick your ass in Japanese chess.

Watch out for this little one. She will kick your ass in shogi, so bad you won't know what hit you. 8-year old Beni Takeyama picked up a shogi book by accident at her local bookstore last year, and two months later was competing against veterans from the Japan Shogi Association. Shogi is the Japanese version of chess. Instead of the king we have the osho, or the royal general, after whom restaurants and hotels all over the country--including the popular izakaya chain--have been named. Full story here.

USB Sucky Ducky Vacuum Cleaner

Hi, I'm USB Ducky. I like to suck dirt off your keyboard and watch you work. My sucking can be turned off and on easily by a simple switch. Buy me here for 1,480 yen.

Pink polka dot CAT machine spotted in Tokyo!

They're tearing down the old factory behind my parents' house in Tokyo. As you can see, the cuteness phenomenon has infiltrated even the most masculine of industries--construction. You can't see it in this picture, but the window where the little man sits in this pink polka-dotted bad boy is shaped like a heart.

Your cell phone deserves a mini-me, too.

These cell phone straps are made to look exactly like your cell phone. There are 20 different kinds, each a precise duplicate of your Sony Ericsson, au, Toshiba, Sanyo, or Casio handset. 300 yen each here.

Hit-and-run golfer: Evil, or under too much pressure?

Okay, let's get one thing straight. It is not okay to accidentally mow down teenage boys and then drive away just because you're late to a game of golf. 68-year old Nobumasa Nakayama was arrested today for doing exactly that, and I think it's time for all of us to learn a little lesson from this. Being on time is very important in Japanese culture. It costs railway companies tens of thousands of yen for every minute that a train is late. Employers start serial calling their workers as soon as the clock strikes 9:01AM. There is a lot of pressure to be on time, and often very little room for error. So I don't want to leave you with this story thinking: What an asshole Mr. Nakayama is! But rather: What made him think that being late to a golf game would be worse than neglecting a potentially life-threatening accident he just caused? Plus, according to Mr. Nakayama's golf buddies, the suspect arrived on time but seemed distracted and didn't play that well anyway.

Nanosuit may create new drinking game.

Japanese businessmen are sweaty and clumsy--especially when they get drunk and stumble around with beer and wine stains all over themselves. That's why Miyuki Keori, a Nagoya-based men's apparel company, created a suit which exploits the hydrophobic characteristics of certain nano-particles to make its wool-based surface oil and water-repellent. The company is proud to announce that the NANOSUIT will be hitting stores nationwide with its spring and summer 2007 collection soon. The suits will be around 100,000 yen. If you read Japanese, here's more info. Revolutionary? Maybe. But what this is really going to do for Japanese society is give rise to a new kind of drinking game, where you spill drinks on each other and gawk at how dry your pants are.

Pigs make me happy.

In America, pigs are stinky, but in Japan, pigs are cute and yummy. So it's no mystery that toys like this pink bead-filled oinkyhead are popular (1500 yen on Yahoo) and that our people spawn some of the best pork-based cuisine ever. Lisa's top 3 favorite Japanese pig eats: 1. Tonki -- This famous tonkatsu specialty shop is staffed entirely by old Japanese ladies in aprons and, thanks to reviews like these, is probably frequented by as many tourists as locals. It's near Meguro Station. You will never see tonkatsu the same way after this. 2. Tukumo Ramen -- I just ate here last week with my dad. No other ramen place in the world puts as much heart into each and every piece of corn and menma floating around in the orgasmic pork broth. This is at Shibuya-bashi crossing, tell any cabbie and he'll take you there. Read more here. 3. Cafe Mami -- Haha. If anyone's lived in Boston, you know this place has kick-ass shoga-yaki (ginger pork). If you're ever in Porter Square (Cambridge) and have $10 and half an hour to kill, order a plate with the green tea milkshake. Trust me, you'll be happy for the rest of your life.

Doraemon Japanese history board game.

School was okay, but I was really bad at Japanese history. I know that the Meiji Revolution was in 1868 and that Shinzo Abe became prime minister in 2006, but everything else has escaped me over time. That's why Japanese toy company Epoch invented this Doraemon Japanese History board game. It's to help all of us who are learners by association. And who better to associate dates and names of old Japanese dudes with than a cartoon robotic cat from the future that revolutionized the imagination of every kid in the country? Available for 3,210 yen here.

Breathalyzer key chain.

Remember this cute little drunk salaryman? If you don't want to end up like him, try not to get too fucked up at all-you-can-drink karaoke night, and consider attaching this breathalyzer strap to your keychain. Just breathe on the detector at the top, and watch the indicator light turn color. Red means you're drunk, and yellow means you're less drunk. But still drunk-ish. Available for 2,500 yen here.

Ex-Buddhist priest steals temple artifacts.

A 61-year old ex-priest was arrested today for stealing statues of the Buddha from his temple and selling them to black market art dealers. Kensho Takeda is suspected of snatching a Dainichi Nyorai figure--a designated cultural artifact!!--and a pair of Karasu Tengu figures from a temple in Toyama Prefecture and selling them for a whopping 2.6 million yen. What the...?? That is just so un-holy of him! If this dude did what everyone thinks he did, he has a lot of karmic debt to pay off.

Photos of manatees are cool, too.

An amateur photographer from Tokyo took a picture of two manatees napping underwater back in January while on vacation in Forida, submitted to the prestigious Shell Wildlife Photographer of the Year Competition, and won an award. It's on display in London's natural history museum. Yay, Jun Kezuka! Your country is so proud of you that you made it on the front page of Japan Times Online. One of my favorite places to see good photography in Tokyo is The Metropolitan Museum of Photography in Ebisu Garden Place. Last time I went there, they had this awesome exhibit of pictures taken in the DMZ between North and South Korea. You should check it out if you have an artsy side to you and aren't just reading my blog for poop jokes and strange news about freaky grandmas.

Train station sign cell phone strap.

What train station you live at in Tokyo is a big part of your identity. Basically, if you live in Shibuya and take the Yamanote Line to work, you're cool. And you should flaunt it. Plus, if you lose your cell phone, this way the person who finds it can bring it to your stationmaster for you. It's like an ID card for your cell phone. Buy your train station sign strap here. But don't buy one if you live in, like, Shinkoganei, or somewhere equally obscure and random.

Japanese hermits have newfound access to education.

There's a problem common among Japanese teenage boys called hikikomori. Unable to unleash or vent their pubescent angst, they lock themselves in their room for weeks, even months at a time, doing who-knows-what and coming out only at night to raid the fridge. Mothers don't really know what to do, they're torn between wanting to help their kid but not knowing how and wanting to respect his space and privacy. So they leave pre-cooked meals in the kitchen and clean folded laundry outside the door. In an effort to accomodate teenage hermits, Chiba Prefecture just approved the country's first cyber high school. The classes only require basic knowledge of how to use e-mail. I really don't think this is a good solution to treating kids who have all kinds of emotional blockage, but at least it'll keep them busy. If I was a mom, though, I'd just buy my kid a DS Lite and Brain Age instead of paying for an expensive e-mail education.

Grandma with garbage bag fetish caught!

A 70-year old grandma was reported to prosecutors today for taking a garbage bag from a dump and emptying its contents on a stranger's lawn. It turns out this grandma has a used garbage bag-collecting fetish, and that she has stolen over 30 bags from the dumpster since February. The stranger turned her in because, even though she was obviously just a freaky old lady, she had cumulatively dumped over 4kgs of trash on his premises on four separate occasions. My two cents on this news bit? Not a huge big deal. It's weird, but at least she's not throwing bulldogs and kittens to their deaths. By the way, the man in the picture is not the dude who complained. Instead of putting a picture of the culprit, I had a photo shoot with Jackie Chan, who tried his best to look like a garbage bag fetishist showing off the newest addition to his collection. Story here.

USB Mushroom Humidifier.

Yes, I know it looks like I have fungal growth next to my desktop (and a forest behind my desk). I DO have a forest behind my desk, but that cute little mushroom is actually a humidifier. The water goes in the stem. Air is filtered through the mushroom head and circulated via its internal fan motor, and then released through the vents. It can run on batteries or charge via USB. It's 2,362 yen and you can buy it here.

Automatic sex machine imported from Korea.

It seems the Koreans have taken the first step towards ensuring gender equality in Japan. The invention and export of 120 automatic sex machines to Japanese love hotels is finally giving women--many of whom claim never to have had an orgasm before--the chance to seek their own pleasure zones. Called The Dream Love Chair, the device is actually a set of two seating areas, one that thrusts and another that rotates at 10 different speeds. It's height-and incline-adjustable, too. A Korean robotics professor experimented with 100 couples to perfect this thing. He and the Japanese distributor, a company called AD-D, claim the biggest benefit is that it minimizes pelvic grinding. Obviously, they're guys. Thank you Korea! We kick your ass in many things but you definitely beat us to the punch on this one.

Shiny metallic microscope cell phone strap

The possibilities are endless with this sleek metallic microscope cell phone strap. You can inspect everything from the mysterious crumbs on your kitchen counter to the nose pores of the guy nodding asleep next to you on the Yamanote train. It magnifies whatever you're looking at by 15x, which is a world record for cell phone strap microscopes. Yea, that's right. This thing is a record breaker, like the guy who recited pi for 16 hours. Plus you can't really tell what it is just by looking at it--is it a chess piece? A wheel lock? Something to smoke out of? Get yours here for 1000 yen.

Grandpa's baseball team

So what if the players can't wipe their own ass? I just watched a video clip of Gunma Prefecture's new 74+ baseball league in action, and some of its players still throw a mean ass curve ball. There are currently 90 participants between the ages of 74 and 83, and the winning team goes to the finals later this month. In case you're wondering, the dude in the photo is not on in the League of the Ancients. He is 64-year old legendary baseball player and manager for the Yomiuri Giants, Sadaharu Oh. A half-breed like me, the man is on medical leave for stomach cancer since July. Get better soon, Mr. Oh! You still have two decades of baseball left in you, if you move to Gunma.

I can't believe it's airplane food!

Japan Airlines rocks! And let me tell you why: 1. The seats are notedly clean and super comfortable. 2. The aircraft is well ventilated, there's no stuffy smell of grossness like United has. I can't even smell the two businessmen sandwiching me. 3. You get super awesome individual TV screens and remote controls with a dozen movies, online shopping, and all types of video games from Mah Jongg to Tetris. 4. The food! I almost jumped out of Seat 23D when I read the menu, and yes, there's a beautiful folded menu with an illo of a flower on the cover, not some cranky flight attendant yelling "Beef or chicken!" in your face while you sleep. This is what I'm having for lunch: Nikujyaga (Simmered beef and potato in sweet soy sauce) Steamed rice Sesame marinated seafood Chicken pastrami Potato salad Chinese jellyfish Fresh salad with French dressing Banana panna cotta Bread and butter Green tea...I can't wait! 5. They have foot rests in economy class. 6. The flight attendants are polite, non-invasive and pretty. 7. Tickets are relatively cheap. The only downside for me is that they just banned dogs in-flight. Since I usually go back to Japan with my puppy, I only get to take JAL when I'm going somewhere random, like New Delhi or Tel Aviv, via Tokyo. But those of you who don't have a port-a-doggy...you gotta try this. This is what living the high life is supposed to be like. Ok, I gotta go. I have 2 hours left before I reach my destination, and I think it's time for my foot massage.

Commuter-generated electricity.

JR East's new experiment consists of energy-generators under ticket wickets, a milliwatt-tracking counter, and 700,000 daily commuters. For the next two months, the railway company will be using using the vibrations of human foosteps at Tokyo Station to generate up to 100 milliwatts per second per person that walks through. The idea is to be able to generate enough electricity to power the wickets themselves and their display panels regularly. Don't even think about going there and stomping your feet like a maniac to fuck up their results. That wouldn't be nice.

SJM seeking SWM to be sexy temporary girlfriend--Update.

Hahahaha. Keiko updated her site yesterday, after I blogged about her: "Hello everyone! Thank you everyone for sending so many emails to me. So many emails! So many yummy guys! I am trying to write and say hello to everyone, but it takes so long. I will possibly have lots of sex for a long time! Yay!" Some dude even wrote her a song! Dear Mr. Songwriter, Nice song! But remember. This chick is smart! At least in theory. She goes to University of Tokyo. Don't you think she wants a little bit more uh...substance? What do you think she is, shallow?

Grandma, are you my mommy?

Here's a good reason why you should take care of your aging parents. Word just got out that, sometime last year, a fifty-something year old woman gave birth to her daughter's baby. The daughter had had her ovaries removed due to cancer, so her post-menopausal mother volunteered to take in female hormones and her son-in-law's sperm and serve as the surrogate mother. Apparently, a coalition of Gynecologists proposed a ban on surrogate parenthood in 2003 on the grounds that it would complicate family relationships. We'll see who this baby calls "mommy" when he/she learns how to talk. Full story here.

Sue-happy Japanese

I think Japan might be becoming more like America. Last week, a teenage girl sued a cop because she developed post-traumatic stress disorder after he stopped her rather aggressively about a stolen bicycle. Now Toshiba is considering a lawsuit against Sony for its exploding batteries from last month. This announcement came before Dell or Apple showed any signs of wanting to sue. Can you imagine? A sue-happy Japanese girl and company, all in one month? The usual Japanese attitude about this kind of thing is, "Shoganai." Which is a slightly more defeated way of saying, Shit happens.

Now you can shake a dog's hand, too.

I guess some dogs are hard to train. I wouldn't know, because my Ruby is a doll. But if you just can't get your pooch to shake your freaking hand, have no worries. The Japanese have invented a perfect solution for you. This furry hand-shaking paw comes in all different patterns, and the battery-operated key chain actually bends and straightens at the joints. Just yell your command: "Hand!" And then push the button, and you'll be able to experience that paw-shaking satisfaction you've been craving. But wait, those look like cat paws. Well, whatever.

IR-enabled cell phone strap race cars.

If you like racing cars but can't afford a Ferrari, you might consider getting one of these cute little cell phone strappies. You can remote control them via infrared from the Fairladyz tire pictured above (two of the tire spoke gaps are actually forward and reverse controls), or you can maneuver your bad boy using an IR-enabled DoCoMo. Available for less than 1000 yen here.

The biggest tea party in the world.

If you thought the Boston Tea Party was a big deal, you haven't been to Aichi Prefecture. 14, 718 people attended this traditional Japanese tea party last week, held on 1.5 kilometers of red carpet and attended by celebrities like Kato Cha, an old-time comedian of Drifters and Kato-chan-Ken-chan fame whose last name means "tea." Some people want to set records that show off how many numbers they can memorize. Others want the world to know how fucking crazy a tea party can get. I guess everyone needs something to be remembered by.

SJM seeking SWM to be sexy temporary girlfriend.

This is Keiko. I don't know her, but I know that she loves sex with good-looking white men under 35, because her web site is an open invitation to all those who fit this category to come stay with her on their next visit to Tokyo. Keiko is a free spirit: "My parents pay my apartment - and I can do anything because I am living alone. What else do I like? Yes, I like sex! Yummy yummy" But she has standards: "YOU MUST BE UNDER 35 (I don’t want to have any men that are too older then 35 years old – I do not want my father!) ALSO, YOU MUST BE GOOD LOOKING AND BE WHITE – I LOVE WHITE GUYS. Yay! (^_^)" Your Japanese love nest could look like this: ----> All you have to do is visit her home page and scroll down for her contact info.

Fat kewpie and anorexic kewpie

I love food. I'll eat almost anything, but two things you will never find in my shopping cart at the supermarket are buckets of shrimp and American mayonnaise. This is because shrimp are ugly and because the Japanese make the best mayonnaise in the world. Kewpie mayonnaise is not only an undying symbol of delicious food enhancement, but a caricature of youthful buoyancy and innocence. So one Japanese entertainment company called Buildup thought it would be funny to make a mock product counter to this positive imagery. Thus spawned their new mascot, PQ. PQs can be found in game arcades around the country starting this fall, and the starting lineup includes Fat PQ, Old Man PQ, Melting PQ, and Anorexic PQ. If the PQ trend picks up--which I bet it will--this could trigger a huge anti-cute movement to battle the "kawaii" craze that Americans love to fawn over.

Play magic tricks with your DS--new Japanese game.

David Copperfield's got nothing on you with this new DS Lite Magic Trick game, which lets you turn all kinds of tricks incorporating a classic deck of cards, your horoscope, your blood type, and mysteriosly disappearing digital candles. I haven't played it yet, but since it just went on sale in Tokyo yesterday and I happen to be in town, I might just go pick one up. If you ever run into me on the street, think of any card, and then watch me pull a rabbit out of my DS screen.

DDADD = Drunk drivers against drunk driving

Interesting news bit about a Japan Communist Party assemblyman who was busted for a DUI. He was found driving around at 4am with no headlights on. He's also the guy that introduced a anti-drunk driving resolution to the assembly earlier.

Cell phone strap detects UV rays.

We all know that UV rays are harmful for our skin. But does your cell phone strap know? Didn't think so. Be the first in your group of friends to whip out the sunblock with this intelligent UV Bead cell phone strap, which lights up in multicolor when evil skin-killers are in the air.

Historical badass jacket for your clamshell cell phone.

If you want your cell phone to look badass, you might want to consider buying it a Sukajan. These parachute-silk jackets--reminiscent of flashy, bow-legged yakuza drop-outs with punch perms chewing on cigarette stubs on the side streets of Roppongi--were invented in the post-World War II occupation era, when Japanese craftsmen applied Japanese designs to Western-style apparel using materials imported by American soldiers at Yokosuka Air Force Base (hence the name "Sukajan"--Jan being short for jumper, or jacket). Many soldiers brought these Sukajans back to the US as gifts (which explains why you can sometimes find them in thrift stores). The Sukajan could quite possibly be one of the first products of the US-Japan alliance, so if you support the loving relationship between the two nations, this might be a good way to show it. Buy yours here.

Tasty tongue box set.

Here's one big reason why shopping on Rakuten is better than shopping on Amazon. You can't buy a box of raw beef tongue on any major online retailer in America, not even eBay. (You can, however, buy a beef tongue-promoter Hello Kitty on eBay.) This beautiful rack of lickers is on sale for only 1,760 yen with free shipping. Combine it with some edamame beans or fish cakes for a neatly boxed gift set.

Silly death row inmate wins art contest.

A few months ago, I went to a prison art exhibit in San Francisco. The artists, many of whom were maximum security prisoners in solitary confinement, only had one black pencil, so they used the pigment from their daily food rations to create color. And since they weren't allowed to have paper, they used the backs of envelopes on the rare occasion that they got mail. A California prison advocacy group is selling the above painting, by inmate Richard Reeves. On Tuesday in Tokyo, 15 death row inmates got their work recognized at an annual contest funded by the father of the guy responsible for the Mitsubishi Heavy Industries building bombings in the 1970s. The winner of the contest was a 51-year old man who wrote a poem. Here's an excerpt: "Please listen to what a silly death-row inmate has to say, although I destroyed my own hopes by killing people."